fantasy casting for Cackle

I have no idea if Cackle, by Rachel Harrison will ever be adapted into a film or series, but I think there’s certainly a possibility. Here is my fantasy casting* for Cackle, more-or-less in order of the characters’ appearances in the novel.

Annie Crane would be played by Geena Davis when she was Thelma, in Thelma and Louise from 1991. Tall, slim, with round dark eyes: yep, yep, and yep.

  • Nadia, 27 years old, long dark hair, confident and knows what’s up: Zendaya.
  • Sam, good sense of humour, Annie’s ex boyfriend: Pete Davidson. Yeah, that’s right – America’s ex-boyfriend.
  • Atlas, the scary (and scared) old fortune teller in Manhattan: Viola Davis. Don’t come at me! I know Ms. Davis is not nearly old enough, but I think she could play the shit outta that late night fortune teller lady. I’d only regret that it’s such a small part.
  • Lynn, the absentee landlady: Doris Speed from Coronation Street. Google her.
  • Matt, an old classmate of Annie’s from NYU: Bruno Mars. I know, maybe he’s not technically an actor, but I can’t control who my brain assigns to fictional characters!
  • Roberta, the AP English teacher at Aster High who abandons Annie in her filthy basement classroom: Julia Garner, because I can’t think of anyone who might give fewer fucks about a new co-worker, even though she is too good for such a small part!

Sophie could only possibly be Catherine Zeta Jones when she played Theo in 1999’s The Haunting. Long dark hair, impossibly beautiful, ageless? That’s her!

  • Pat, a military dude, Annie’s father who likes Sam more than his own daughter: Clint Eastwood. Even though Pat never really appears in person, I like to imagine him as a crusty old mofo.
  • Chris Bersten, the teenage arsehole who torments Annie with chirping: Anthony Michael Hall from National Lampoon’s Vacation in 1983.
  • Madison Thorpe, the wearer of Doc Martens and dark eyeliner in Annie’s high school classroom: Neve Campbell. You know she could pull it off.
  • Beth, a student who uses ASL, Madison’s bestie: Ayumi Hamasaki. Partly because she is an actor with hearing loss, but mostly because she’s awesome!
  • Rose, a baker and vendor at the farmer’s market: Helen Mirren.
  • Erik, the son of the coffee shop guy: Noah Schnapp. You know him as Will Byers on Stranger Things.
  • Oskar, the coffee shop guy with short silver hair and crows’ feet: George Clooney. Yes, the character in the book had blue eyes, but I like me some George Clooney.
  • Tilda, an ancient lady selling berries at the farmer’s market: Maggie Smith. Ugh, I don’t want to imply she’s “ancient” though… I’m so so sorry Maggie Smith – please don’t come after me, I love you!
  • Tom, owner of the diner who is scared of Sophie: Rick Moranis. He’s just too good at comedy grovelling. Comovelling? Gromedy? You know what I’m saying.
  • Kylie Hamilton, a random student: a random extra.
  • Joe Alvarez, another random student: another random extra.
  • Tyler, a 6′ tall shithead student in Annie’s class: Shia LaBeouf circa his first Transformers movie.
  • Alex, the liquor store lady: Courtney Cox.
  • Tanner Robertson, aka Peacoat Bob – a former student of Annie’s: Michael J. Fox, when he played Alex P. Keaton on Family Ties in the 80s.
  • Jill, the straight bangs/high pony wholesome thirtysomething vice principal: Bryce Dallas Howard, like she was in Jurassic World
  • Deirdre, seller of baked goods, wearer of a jumpsuit and shaved head: Natalie Portman? Yes. Definitely.
  • Shannon, the red headed new girl with Sam: Kate Mara. Eeek! Yes! Even though Shannon only shows up in a photograph, it’s got to be Kate Mara’s face we see.
  • Helen, the absent wife of Oskar: Charlize Theron, because she friggin broke my heart in The Road, and she’d break my heart abandoning George Clooney, too.
  • Dan, Jill’s obtuse husband: Chris Pratt – he plays oblivious like no one else.
  • Pascal, the dud blind date: Adrien Brody.
  • Ralph: to be played by himself. Limited options here.
  • Rebecca Deacon, another random uppity teacher at Aster High: a random extra would likely do fine here.
  • Theodore, the bloated dead guy lurking around Sophie’s cellar: Christopher Meloni would rock Theodore, I know it.

*I did say “fantasy” cast and I have zero talent or experience in casting, so I’ve taken liberties and chosen actors and other performers who may be too young or too old to fit the roles today, but oh well! It’s my blog. Check out the noises above book club guide to Cackle, by Rachel Harrison. Tell your friends!

go ahead, whistle past the graveyard

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